When I was about thirteen, I went to see the Doobie Brothers at an outdoor concert and air show at the Calaveras 
County Fairgrounds. Unfortunately, my gastrointestinal system was in no mood for me to be taking it to the streets. I spent six hours making return trips to a metal-seated toilet in a doorless stall surrounded by hundreds of dudes comparing the currently playing version of China Grove to those of previous shows. Not the backstage pass I had in mind.
An older friend who took me to the show offered me a flat Coke and promised it would help settle my stomach. I was young, I was desperate, I was in Calaveras.
Those few swallows of warm coke hit my stomach and took what at most amounted to a school yard fight and turned it into a global war. My calls for an end to the flat coke myth have since echoed through the decades.
And finally they’ve been answered. Britain’s National Institute of Health has confirmed that flat Coke does nothing to settle an upset stomach and in fact makes things worse. I feel like I might be ready to listen to the Best of the Doobies again.
