This, from the BBC, has got to be the most absurd headline of the entire swine flu story:
WHO WARNS AGAINST FLU COMPLACENCY
Flu complacency?
I am wearing a surgical mask, under a football helmet, under a canvas burka and I am wrapped, head to toe, in Saran wrap (my least becoming look other than full-body fishnet), under a hazmat suit, under a lawn and leaf triple ply Hefty bag, at the innermost section of a twenty-two piece graphite and steel Matryoshka doll, under a puncture and cut resistant micro-armour suit, under a regular suit of armour, inside a plastic bubble, inside an indestructable cargo box, inside a steel reinforced concrete bank vault, within a panic room made of sixty-inch thick aggregated diamond nanorods, inside a semiconductor manufacturing cleanroom, inside a purity ring teen social club, surounded by a moat being patrolled by those pirate-hunting Navy Seal sharpshooters who are supported by the 1985 Chicago Bear defense and some of my wife’s Samoan cousins.
The whole set-up is encapsulated by a Kryptonite dome, a Star Trek forcefield set to level ten, and more than one hundred-thousand hermetically sealed android gardeners with their fully-fueled leaf blowers pointed outwards.
This morning, I sent my almost-three year old kid, armed with a blow torch and night vision glasses, to take out a neighbor’s guinea pig - it wasn’t until investigating the corpse that I realized it was a hamster (so if the Rosenbergs from Laurel Avenue are still subscribed to my RSS feed, apologies).
On top of that, I haven’t eaten a burrito for nine days and over the weekend, after I heard what I thought was someone saying como se llamas at a local supermarket, I leveled the place with a two ton suitcase bomb.
I later found out the person actually asked: Where are the bananas.
I don’t feel all that bad though, because I read somewhere on Twitter that you can actually get swine flu from bananas.
Besides, one doesn’t want to be too complacent.
